Perfectionism and Forgiveness - LPNI

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Perfectionism and Forgiveness

LPNI Health Topic – August 2023

We have often heard the phrase, “Good is the enemy of Great.” In the right context it can serve as a motivation to inspire people to higher achievement. However, when striving for excellence becomes confused with unrealistic expectations, fault finding in others, or a fear of failure, then life becomes an endless report card and well-worn path of unhappiness. These characteristics are the hallmarks of perfectionism.

Perfectionism can affect young people as well as adults, making one feel unhappy with one’s life. It can lead to depression and anxiety, eating disorders, and self-harm. Even mild cases can interfere with the quality of life, affecting personal relationships, education and work. Perfectionism can occur in a range and may impact one or more areas of one’s life. Signs of perfectionism include the following:

Feeling pressure to meet increasingly high expectations
Difficulty overlooking small mistakes
Needing exact rules, expectations and negative feedback
Hypersensitivity to criticism and negative feedback
Self-worth or self-esteem that is contingent upon success

When left unchecked, these unrelenting requirements can lead to a need for professional counseling to deal with the damaging effects that perfectionism has for so many people. In the United States, the universal hotline for mental health services is 988 and operates 24 hours a day. Counseling is a wonderful tool for many people and should be encouraged. Services are available such as Lutheran Social Services. Christian counselors work in many agencies including online. Counseling often involves learning how to forgive. For many, forgiving others, as well as one’s self, is not easy.

The Greek word in the Bible translated for “forgiveness” literally means “to let go”, as when a person does not demand payment for a debt. Jesus used the comparison in his parable of the unmerciful servant (Matt. 18:23-35). Forgiving means letting go of resentments and unrealistic expectation for others and self. It keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5)

Forgiveness involves confession. Confession is an acknowledgement, ultimately, of our sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9, 10)

Forgiveness involves remembering God’s forgiveness. Recounting the great debt paid by Jesus dying on the cross for our sins is the power to forgive ourselves and others. Jesus stressed the importance of forgiveness in the Lord’s Prayer: “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us”, and that includes ourselves.

Forgiveness also involves persistence and prayer. Behavior and thought patterns do not change overnight. Often we need to work overtime at forgiveness, and be persistent in prayer for real change. As we tackle the issues, we do with the confidence that, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13).

Carol D. Zimmermann, MS, RN, Parish Nurse at Lutheran Church of the Living Christ

Madison, WI, USA czpeople@gmail.com

Information compiled from healthline.com, choosing therapy.com and lochchristian counseling.com. Websites and may be used by parish nurses in their ministries.